The New Testament according to Dr. Seuss

And now for the Dr. Seuss Bible:

 

(Disclaimer: this limerick does not represent the actual word of God and is purely made up by someone else forDr Seuss laughs only)

One day God said, “This is what I will do:
I’ll send down my son. I’ll send him to you
To clear up this humpity bumpity hullaballoo.
His name will be Christ and he’ll never wear shoes.
His pals will all call him ‘The King of the Jews.'”

He didn’t come in a plane.
He didn’t come in a Jeep.
He didn’t come in a pouch
Of a high jumping Voveep.

He rode on the back of a black Sassatoo
Which is the blackiest creature you ever could view.

He rode to Jerusalem — home of the grumpity Jews
Where false prophets were worshiped — some even in twos.
There was Murray VonMyrrh and Ghengis Vovooz —
The one you could worship by taking a snooze.

Christ spoke from a mound
Which is a pile of ground.
People gathered around
Without making a sound.

Thus he spake:

“Sin in socks
Socks full of sin.
How do we quiet
This Jehovaty din?
Do unto others as they do unto you.
That includes you, young Timothy Foo.”

One pharisee said to another he knew,
“What shall we do with this uppity Jew?”
“Let’s wash him in wine and make him all clean
And into Sam Zittle’s crucifiction machine.”

Twirl the Gawhirl
And release the Galeese
And in go the nails
As fast as you please.

And it is said
That he said as he bled,
“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.
For they walk throughout life in toe crampity shoes.”

Do you?

Amen.

dr-seuss-atc-772510.jpg

 

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17 Responses to “The New Testament according to Dr. Seuss”

  1. Brewster Ghiselin Says:

    You realise that this comes from a Kids in the Hall sketch, right?

  2. I love your books! They are awesome! You are an awesome writer. The Cat In The Hat is genious!

  3. my mom runs a daycare and the children love these books every day they check to see if there is a new book on the shelf!!!

  4. koookooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Ya’ll realize the dudes dead, like been dead right?

  6. feliz cumpleaños dr.seuss

  7. feliz cumpleaos dr.seuss

  8. Jean de Baptiste Says:

    This is blasphemy! Sam Zittle’s name shouldn’t be used in this context.

  9. Once again we see how ignorance is the mother of all idiots.
    First of all the good Dr. is dead, and when alive, he was a staunch enemy of anti-semites.
    He named him Christ? Christ is greek for messiah. His name was Jesus.

    Went to Jerusalem where the grumpy Jews worshiped false prophets? Jesus WAS Jewish! And Jews have NEVER worshiped anyone other than God.

  10. Sounds like Raul is a Grumpy Jew

  11. peanutbutter jullytime

  12. Get a grip Raul! Oh and by the way Jesus is the Messiah

  13. Epic, and Dr.Seuss, if you were here today, I would do ANYTHING to meet you

  14. I love your books Dr.Seuss they are funny

  15. If you were still alive i would want to meet you

  16. he died in 1991…I hope he acceped CHRIST as his saviour..for I would love to live forever with dr suess

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